May 11
11

My Wife and I Can’t Agree on our Real Estate Investments

13 Comments

My husband Dave and I never fight about real estate, or anything else. We’ve uncovered the secret to agreeing on everything and always having a positive vibe in the house. We have the perfect balance between work and life and never find it challenging to keep our work out of our personal lives.

Um … yea … and I’ve invented calorie free creamy and delicious chocolate too.

It’s not easy investing in real estate at the best of times but it’s even more challenging when you add in another dimension – your spouse. That challenge grows exponentially when you don’t agree on how to approach your investments (as is the case with many people who have approached me recently asking for advice).

After a decade of investing together, and a big chunk of that decade spent cleaning up mistakes we made early on, we certainly do have some things figured out when it comes to investing in real estate as a couple. But when the advice and counsel people are looking for moves from real estate investing to relationships I admit I get uncomfortable. I feel out of my area of expertise.

I felt a bit uncomfortable filming this video in response to a very personal email I received from someone who feels he and his wife might need to take a break from each other because they can’t agree whether to start big or start small. Please forgive my flying hands – I was feeling a little out of my element addressing this important subject.

I don’t want to spoil the video for you, but I will reiterate my recommendation to this couple and any other couple struggling to agree on their real estate investing adventures: check out Philip McKernan. Attend one of his events if you can. I am not compensated for this recommendation in any way – I just believe in my gut that he is the perfect person for couples struggling to agree on their real estate strategies. He has a great gift of being able to get right to the heart of the matter in minutes. He can ask simple but powerful questions that reveal the real issues.

 

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This entry was posted on May 11, 2011 at 5:27 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Posted in Real Estate Investing Recommended by Julie 13 Comments

13 Responses to "My Wife and I Can’t Agree on our Real Estate Investments"

  • Sharon Vornholt says:
    May 11, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    Great post Julie. You are absolutely right. When couples are in business together and the relationship doesn’t survive, it’s rarely about the business. You have to take a hard look at the relationship.
    Sharon Vornholt´s last [type] ..Kiss Your 9-5 Bye Bye!

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    Julie Broad Reply:
    May 11th, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    Thanks Sharon!! It’s obvious to me now but I know when Dave and I were having troubles I blamed school, real estate and everything else for all we were going through. It wasn’t even our relationship – it was me. Hard to face that reality though – easier to look at external reasons why things suck. :)

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  • mobilehomegurl says:
    May 11, 2011 at 11:14 pm

    Good topic to touch on, Julie!

    It’s interesting to hear as the majority of investors I know don’t even involve their spouse with their investment activities. And, I’ve heard many a stories from the investor side about how the spouse just doesen’t get what they are doing. I find it very common.

    Personally, I think you’re right – it’s hard to see what is right and what is wrong as it isn’t always so black and white. And, a lot of issues with relationships (apart from the significant other including family, friends, etc) stem from how we see the world and what we have learned to value.

    Part of what we have learned to value comes from our environment and what we see day to day. And, sometimes – we are not aware or fully understand the other side of the spectrum. There is a different world out there, a world that is unknown. And, as human beings – fearing the unknown comes naturally.

    One of the things that really helped me to see the world differently was taking some time off to travel. Being a major workaholic, it was hard but it was definitely worth it. I saw things and met people I probably would never have met if I had never taken the time off.

    After my travels, my view of the world and how I viewed life changed. I think it humbled me and gave me a better appreciation for the more simpler things in life.

    When I have my own problems or hear folks who have problems, I always think back to my travels – some people in different parts of the world have even bigger problems like just trying to survive and feed their families. Or, some who live in countries with ultra corrupt governments. Having a world view definitely gives me a different perspective when having problems of my own.

    So yes (getting back to the topic!) when couples argue, you’re definitely right – there may be more underlying issues beyond what is being said, which in many cases may be more internal than external.

    Ok, I’ll stop writing before this turns into a blog post!! And, I liked the hand gestures – they worked well with the video and its content! :)

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    Julie Broad Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    Hey Rachel!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!! Perspective is a very important thing.

    As for the hand gestures, Dave said they were a little crazy so it made me think I must have been more nervous than I thought. :) Glad you thought they worked with the video.
    Julie Broad´s last [type] ..My Wife and I Can’t Agree on our Real Estate Investments

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  • Linda says:
    May 12, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    Julie – one of the things I admire about you and Dave is your willingness to be so open about subjects like this. Your entire newsletter today was a good example of that. Normally the only time people talk about their struggles is when they are selling me something to prevent them. I related to everything you said and suspect many many others did too. Your view is real. It’s what always keeps me coming back and makes your blog one of the only ones I read on a regular basis.

    Thank you.

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    Julie Broad Reply:
    May 12th, 2011 at 11:47 pm

    Wow!! Linda – thank you!!! You made my day. I really appreciate that (and know Dave will too when he reads it!!!).
    Julie Broad´s last [type] ..My Wife and I Can’t Agree on our Real Estate Investments

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  • Julieta says:
    May 13, 2011 at 1:38 am

    I say amen to all the above comments. I truly enjoy reading your posts and learning from them.

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  • Jeff Uhl says:
    May 13, 2011 at 1:50 am

    Wise beyond your years Julie.

    Thanks For Your Insight

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  • Figen says:
    May 13, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    Hi:

    If both people has some experience in any kind of investing and have “thinking head” on their shoulders, it is easy to be disagree. This is a business not a personal relationship and should be approached as business and shouldn’t be mixed with personal life ( I know I know it is so easy to mix). Ok , this is what we do and work for us perfectly. My boyfriend and I have been in this business almist 6 years. After first couple of years, we realized that our investment strategies are not same. At the early years, i said yes to some investments although i wasn’t convinced (things like single family vs. multifamily, this town or that town. keep it or sell it) He had more experience than I, i wasn’t sure which one was better than the other. Then I realized this didn’t make me comfortable and also i was making “his” life miserable at any problem related to that investment :) This was nothing to do our relationship it was related to doing something i wasn’t so convinced or agree. Last couple of years, this is what we have been doing and it is perfectly working for us and we are very happy. We consider each other and the company we own as three seperate entity. So when we need to make a decision, everyone has an option to invest or not. Sometimes i chose to not to invest and if he can do it himself, he invests by himself, if he can’t , company invests with him (and same for me too). THis works perfectly. If he has a good investment, i would be very happy for him if not of course I say, “I SAID SO” :)
    Unfortunately/fortunately we have very strong opinion of our investment strategies and instead of being miserable with an investment that we are not comfortable with this is what we chose to do.
    Our working style and everything are so different, good luck for all the couples out there, it is hard, but i still like working with him alllll dayyyyyyy loooooong !

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  • Julie Broad says:
    May 13, 2011 at 11:58 pm

    Julieta & Jeff – Thank you!!!

    Figen – Thanks for taking the time to share your approach. It’s actually how we handled things in the early days. If we didn’t agree we would go out on our own but that is tough to do now … when you’re married the decisions of each other impact each other. It’s hard to stay out of it!! :) I think it’s admirable that you guys are able to work together when it works and work apart when it doesn’t.
    Julie Broad´s last [type] ..My Wife and I Can’t Agree on our Real Estate Investments

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  • Jake says:
    May 23, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    Thanks for introducing us to Philip… I hope he is as big of help as you are saying…. Glad to hear that my wife and I are not the only ones out there who disagree with each other over money and investments, I was beginning to think we were the only couple.

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  • Scott Costello says:
    May 26, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    I always find this topic interesting. From the beginning I thought it would be great to have my wife participate in my real estate investing. I never forced her to help or anything, I would just bring it up from time to time just to see how interested she was in the topic. I’ve realized that her makeup would have a hard time dealing with certain aspects of REI and it would definitely cause friction between us. That is not worth it to me, and I’m happy to keep wife and investing separate now.

    Great post Julie
    Scott Costello´s last [type] ..General Update On Various Things

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    Julie Broad Reply:
    May 28th, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Thanks for your comment Scott!! Real estate investing is definitely not for everyone. I’m glad that you can recognize what would and would not work for you too so you can still be a happy couple!!
    Julie Broad´s last [type] ..What Does Real Estate Do For Your Life

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